Well today I learnt so many things, not all of them I wanted to hear or even know about. Said a lot of things to and now feel tired, exhausted , better for saying them but also guilty for saying them. Head spinning.
As you know Dad and I haven't been getting on, neither has Mum and Dad. All families have good and bad days, we seem to have bad and worse days.
Thought it was a lot to do with PTSD but turns out it isnt, it is me and Mum.
Mum thought she would get me and Dad to talk and sort things out, they had had words and then Mum sat in front of lounge door and said no one was going anywhere till things were sorted. Bad idea. Cutting a very long story short I am rude to Dad, Mum and me spend all the money on horses, we bully him and treat him like muck. He has had enough. He didnt want the ducks we all bought him for Easter, things he says he likes that we buy we are wrong. "Because I say I like things doesnt mean I want them" so now really confused about Crimbo etc. He accused me of saying something at the yard on Monday to the landlord that I never said, Mum was stood at my side and said it , she openly admitted it was her and yet he is angry with me for saying it and accusing me of lying when i said it wasnt me.
I tried saying my bit totally lost the plot and started shouting as even when I tried to explain he seemed to take everything the wrong way, Same when Mum said things, it was as though we were out to get him. Mum still blocked the door and the row got worse. Oh did it get worse. Dad wanted out after saying stuff so Mum stood her ground and wouldnt let him out in case he did something to hurt himself. Big mistake, he totally flipped with Mum having to phone an ambulance to get him help.
I didnt want all this to happen, I love my Daddy sooooo much, but he says that we never tell him things when me and Mum know we have, he says that we bully him when we are trying to help him and we ask him what he wants to do then says it up to us, but says we make all the decisions. Mum offered to move out so he could be happy, he thought she was threatening to run away, I offered and got shouted at, but I honestly was trying to help.
So Daddy ended up in A and E all thanks to me, oh and Mum and all she did was try to get us to two to talk. Dont think saying sorry will work, he hates me anyway. I will never be his daughter or his son, I guess I am just a gold digger that spends everything he has, never says thank you and treats him worse than I treat the dogs. What do I do now, he is going to hate me forever, I know it my fault but he cant see how much he hurts people too and we know he doesnt mean it but we still love him. He hates us, Mum probably hates me too but she has said she doesnt.
My head really hurts I cant stop crying spent the afternoon with Nikki who has tonnes of problems worse than my moaning but she was there for me and helped, yet I cant even help her when she needs support.
Tired, off to bed then going up yard for day on my own, cant upset people if i not with anyone . Maybe I should have seen the piccy below before ever speaking.