Another soldier gave his life today
Whilst on the soil he vowed to protect
The men that brutally murdered him
Claimed it was for God, their religious sect
Unable to defend himself
Only armed with a collection tin
“God is Greater”, no God agrees to murder
So they are not martyrs for committing a sin
Surely if you wish to live here
Under a flag of red white and blue
Then you agree to live under our laws
And do what our beliefs say you should do
A multi cultural country,
There is nothing wrong with that
But when do we stop being British
Instead we are wearing a worldwide hat
A mother grieves this morning
For her son so brave and proud
Who died for his country?
An act videoed by a passing crowd
Sleep now our unknown soldier
We will grieve for you today
This ruthless act won’t be forgotten
And flowers will mark the place you lay
R.I.P The brave soldier in Woolwich who died 22/5/13
Niamh Finlay Howe
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Morning Everyone
Just a quick blog this morning before I go to school so that I can update you on our weekend, which was pretty good. Usual week at home though Daddy is peeping out of his shell a little more each day when it comes to the puppies and spends ages just watching them. Ages ago before Daddy and Mum started to live together; Mum was still Daddy’s carer. One day I was riding up a hill and half way home when Mum got a phone call from Grace telling her to come quick there was something the matter with Daddy. Mum ran back home and I trotted; we untacked my pony and sorted him out before Mum disappeared off to see what was wrong. When she arrived at Daddy’s house he was walking around with a drill in his hand doing an impression of a robot. Seeing Daddy with the puppies reminds me of things like this, when he was happy sometimes. He still had awful nightmares and hated noises, smells and stuff, but there was a Daddy that could have fun, he enjoyed being silly and messing around with us kids and Mum. The more I think about it they spent hours together doing silly stuff, working on the cars together, doing the garden, acting like kids, Daddy would spend hours with his horses too, him and Mum lost in their own world of horse poop and straw. Sometimes I really wish I was that little girl again as those memories were special. Anyway, back to now. Daddy been playing with the puppies and watching each move they make he even fed them yesterday; he loves to cuddle them and laughs as they growl and play fight with each other. Mum says that he will stand over them and watch them sleeping too or tap the puppy pen and watch as they all dash to their feet to say hello. Friday after school Mum and I decided that we would sort the garden out and worked on the front till nine at night. The front garden actually looks like a garden now not a jungle so that made Mum happy. Daddy is really fussy about his garden and is always telling us about the wonderful garden he had at his house in Farcet, it had mini bridges, different areas and sounds fantastic. Our garden sadly isn’t that good but we try. This year Daddy decided that he wanted all wild flowers on the front so we dug everything out and planted wild flowers everywhere, just hope they come up. Saturday off to Home Bargains for some log rolls to edge the lawn as we ran out the night before. Then two cakes as the bulldog puppy’s owners were coming over and it was one of their birthdays, they were also bringing a lady to look at a puppy. Lemon cake for his birthday, chocolate cake for everyone to eat. The lady had driven from Wales and picked a little boy that is now called Stanley. The lady loved the cake. Sunday, we cleaned the house and put the puppies out in the pen for an hour in the garden ready for a lady to come to see the boxer pups. They fell in love too which was good. Went to the horses usual jobs before crashing. Yesterday we went to Trimpley and left Daddy puppy sitting. The traffic was busy but we had a few hours with our friends and the animals before coming home, as the weather was great the weekend seemed even better. Well better dash, taxi leaves in fifteen minutes. Would like to see a bit more of the old Daddy each day, but we can hope. Huggles N Wow so much has happened since Beatie had her puppies, as predicted Clara had her puppies on Saturday but c-section. She had eight but one little girl died on the Monday. Mum went for acupuncture on the Monday and I went with her as we were on our Easter Holiday. Not sure that it really did anything to help her back but she seemed chilled out when we got home. It gave her a break from feeding and cleaning puppies every two hours if nothing else. Half term was long and hard work, feeding all the puppies every two hours, cleaning them and making sure they have been to the toilet, it is like having loads of new born babies, I am not having kids till I am at least 25 and then I will make sure that Mum and Dad live close by so they can help. Daddy has perked up a little bit and loves looking at the puppies but he is frightened of holding them in case he hurts one. Mum said most men are like that with new babies. He is still very, very down and you walk into the room and don’t know if he is in a good mood or a bad one. One minute he will smile and give you a hug, the next minute he will sit on the settee locked in a world of his own, not speaking just muttering answers when you speak to him, watching things but not paying any attention, I guess it is just a background noise and helps him to relax. Nights are still terrible for him; he makes a drink and tries to calm down standing outside listening to the foxes and other animals moving around the bushes. In fact, the other night he came in and told Mum that something was in one of our bins. Mum refused to go and look saying it was probably Shep, the collie from down the road. The next morning I went and put some rubbish in the bin, when I lifted the lid a flipping cat leapt out, I screamed and fell backwards. Mum nearly fell out of the car laughing. Daddy thought it was brilliant and asked Mum if she told me what he had said the night before. Daddy managed to get to the horse show at Studley and I was grooming for Mike and Alison. We took Duchess and Marshall who was three weeks old. They both behaved really well and I was looking forward to taking them in the ring but a lady asked me to help her with her horse so I didn’t go with the Suffolks at first. I have never worked a heavy horse and ended up taking one around an obstacle course and even got her to jump, so was quite proud. I had been staying with Alison for a couple of days so farm life was good fun but very busy. Daddy coped really well I am so proud of him, and it was great to see him as relaxed as he can be, roll on summer and loads more shows. Beatie our boxer became really ill and nearly died so we had to take the puppies off her and rear those by hand as well. If I said I have been busy I would be truthful. Back to school and day by day I am finishing off assessments for my exams which will be here in a couple of weeks, busy busy. I really want to get some good grades and show everyone I am not just a dumb blonde. Can’t think of anything else to write at the minute so will close for now, have a great afternoon Huggles Niamh x x x When we are small we are told stories about happy ever afters; knights killing dragons princes falling in love. Animals and people getting hurt but healed by love. Why do our parents lie to use when life is so mean and cruel. My father was a bully and that is being nice,but my mum stayed with him believing marriage was for ever. When he left i breathed a sigh of relief no more hurt for me or mum. I was afraid that daddy would hurt us so kept away at first wanting to be loved but scared i would get hurt again.
So many things have happened since then some good, some bad. I was bullied, got in with the wrong crowd, caused loads of trouble at school and made everyone's life awful. I stopped eating and tried to hurt myself because i thought that mum and dad weren't listening and that they had let me down. In fact they thought I was being a troublesome teen and were actually doing everything they could to help me. Just wish i knew that at the time, maybe i did but did not want to admit it. I am not proud of how I acted. Mum always taught me never to lie or steal regardless of what I did because she could not defend me if I did; yet mum,dad, every parent on this earth lies to their children. Life isn't nice with happy ending it is about pain suffering hurt with a little bit of kindness thrown into the mix. I am lucky I have grown up watching my mum trying to make my life everything hers wasn't Buying me nice things going without so the rest of the family were able to have things we would like. Even now she tries to please. I see her cry knowing how much she loves us all but afraid her world will crumble. Maybe she is frightened of letting us all down or maybe she just needs to know she is loved. Mum used to always be smiling saying everything would be ok but as I have got older I can see that it is something she tells us to make us all feel better. I know that she loves daddy sooooooo much and wishes he loved her but he doesn't. She has always said he has been hurt too much to love and she knew what she was taking on when they moved in together but this doesn't stop her wishing that one day he may fall in love with her and getting upset when each day passes and nothing changes. Joey so quiet, soooo clever; bullied for as long as he can remember by his sister and other kids. We used to hide in his room knowing that bedrooms were out of bounds to other brothers and sisters when his bug sister used to punch, kick, bite and say so hurtful stuff. In fact he stuck up for me against her to mum, daddy and loads of people because he wanted me to come home and us both to stop being bullied. He is lucky he has always had a daddy who would protect him whatever, be there to wipe away the tears but why should you suffer because you are smart, don't wear fashionable clothes, hang around in groups or just because you are younger than your brothers or sisters. He did a brave thing speaking out and I am proud to call him my brother even though he gets on my nerves and we argue, he is still my brother and I love him. I think it is great shopping for clothes for him or telling mum what to buy him. We don't do hugs n stuff so guess that is my way of showing him that he is alright. Daddy is a special man who was really cool and super fit. He now finds little jobs like washing his hair or walking to the car really tough. I think this makes him feel like he has failed, letting people down or that he is useless. We did not know him when he was a soldier so only see our daddy that special man we love loads. We know he can't do tonnes of stuff but so what, what does he have to prove and more importantly who too. He will sit there in silence never letting us know what he is thinking, if he is happy or sad and suffering from pains in his body and demons in his head. He doesn't trust anyone and sees the bad in everything; sometimes I wonder if that is how we should all be expecting pain or failure then being shocked when things aren't so bad. I tell him and mum that we all have to be positive because then positive things happen but they are older and know more than me. So why do adults teach us about right and wrong , good and bad with happily ever afters when really life is a horror story; suffering, illness heartbreak and pain. Surely they should learn to teach us the truth. |
AuthorI am a normal teenager that has learnt to live with mental illness and want other kids who have similar lives to know they are not alone Archives
July 2017
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