When we are small we are told stories about happy ever afters; knights killing dragons princes falling in love. Animals and people getting hurt but healed by love. Why do our parents lie to use when life is so mean and cruel. My father was a bully and that is being nice,but my mum stayed with him believing marriage was for ever. When he left i breathed a sigh of relief no more hurt for me or mum. I was afraid that daddy would hurt us so kept away at first wanting to be loved but scared i would get hurt again.
So many things have happened since then some good, some bad. I was bullied, got in with the wrong crowd, caused loads of trouble at school and made everyone's life awful. I stopped eating and tried to hurt myself because i thought that mum and dad weren't listening and that they had let me down. In fact they thought I was being a troublesome teen and were actually doing everything they could to help me. Just wish i knew that at the time, maybe i did but did not want to admit it. I am not proud of how I acted. Mum always taught me never to lie or steal regardless of what I did because she could not defend me if I did; yet mum,dad, every parent on this earth lies to their children. Life isn't nice with happy ending it is about pain suffering hurt with a little bit of kindness thrown into the mix.
I am lucky I have grown up watching my mum trying to make my life everything hers wasn't Buying me nice things going without so the rest of the family were able to have things we would like. Even now she tries to please. I see her cry knowing how much she loves us all but afraid her world will crumble. Maybe she is frightened of letting us all down or maybe she just needs to know she is loved. Mum used to always be smiling saying everything would be ok but as I have got older I can see that it is something she tells us to make us all feel better. I know that she loves daddy sooooooo much and wishes he loved her but he doesn't. She has always said he has been hurt too much to love and she knew what she was taking on when they moved in together but this doesn't stop her wishing that one day he may fall in love with her and getting upset when each day passes and nothing changes. Joey so quiet, soooo clever; bullied for as long as he can remember by his sister and other kids. We used to hide in his room knowing that bedrooms were out of bounds to other brothers and sisters when his bug sister used to punch, kick, bite and say so hurtful stuff. In fact he stuck up for me against her to mum, daddy and loads of people because he wanted me to come home and us both to stop being bullied. He is lucky he has always had a daddy who would protect him whatever, be there to wipe away the tears but why should you suffer because you are smart, don't wear fashionable clothes, hang around in groups or just because you are younger than your brothers or sisters. He did a brave thing speaking out and I am proud to call him my brother even though he gets on my nerves and we argue, he is still my brother and I love him. I think it is great shopping for clothes for him or telling mum what to buy him. We don't do hugs n stuff so guess that is my way of showing him that he is alright. Daddy is a special man who was really cool and super fit. He now finds little jobs like washing his hair or walking to the car really tough. I think this makes him feel like he has failed, letting people down or that he is useless. We did not know him when he was a soldier so only see our daddy that special man we love loads. We know he can't do tonnes of stuff but so what, what does he have to prove and more importantly who too. He will sit there in silence never letting us know what he is thinking, if he is happy or sad and suffering from pains in his body and demons in his head. He doesn't trust anyone and sees the bad in everything; sometimes I wonder if that is how we should all be expecting pain or failure then being shocked when things aren't so bad. I tell him and mum that we all have to be positive because then positive things happen but they are older and know more than me. So why do adults teach us about right and wrong , good and bad with happily ever afters when really life is a horror story; suffering, illness heartbreak and pain. Surely they should learn to teach us the truth.
So many things have happened since then some good, some bad. I was bullied, got in with the wrong crowd, caused loads of trouble at school and made everyone's life awful. I stopped eating and tried to hurt myself because i thought that mum and dad weren't listening and that they had let me down. In fact they thought I was being a troublesome teen and were actually doing everything they could to help me. Just wish i knew that at the time, maybe i did but did not want to admit it. I am not proud of how I acted. Mum always taught me never to lie or steal regardless of what I did because she could not defend me if I did; yet mum,dad, every parent on this earth lies to their children. Life isn't nice with happy ending it is about pain suffering hurt with a little bit of kindness thrown into the mix.
I am lucky I have grown up watching my mum trying to make my life everything hers wasn't Buying me nice things going without so the rest of the family were able to have things we would like. Even now she tries to please. I see her cry knowing how much she loves us all but afraid her world will crumble. Maybe she is frightened of letting us all down or maybe she just needs to know she is loved. Mum used to always be smiling saying everything would be ok but as I have got older I can see that it is something she tells us to make us all feel better. I know that she loves daddy sooooooo much and wishes he loved her but he doesn't. She has always said he has been hurt too much to love and she knew what she was taking on when they moved in together but this doesn't stop her wishing that one day he may fall in love with her and getting upset when each day passes and nothing changes. Joey so quiet, soooo clever; bullied for as long as he can remember by his sister and other kids. We used to hide in his room knowing that bedrooms were out of bounds to other brothers and sisters when his bug sister used to punch, kick, bite and say so hurtful stuff. In fact he stuck up for me against her to mum, daddy and loads of people because he wanted me to come home and us both to stop being bullied. He is lucky he has always had a daddy who would protect him whatever, be there to wipe away the tears but why should you suffer because you are smart, don't wear fashionable clothes, hang around in groups or just because you are younger than your brothers or sisters. He did a brave thing speaking out and I am proud to call him my brother even though he gets on my nerves and we argue, he is still my brother and I love him. I think it is great shopping for clothes for him or telling mum what to buy him. We don't do hugs n stuff so guess that is my way of showing him that he is alright. Daddy is a special man who was really cool and super fit. He now finds little jobs like washing his hair or walking to the car really tough. I think this makes him feel like he has failed, letting people down or that he is useless. We did not know him when he was a soldier so only see our daddy that special man we love loads. We know he can't do tonnes of stuff but so what, what does he have to prove and more importantly who too. He will sit there in silence never letting us know what he is thinking, if he is happy or sad and suffering from pains in his body and demons in his head. He doesn't trust anyone and sees the bad in everything; sometimes I wonder if that is how we should all be expecting pain or failure then being shocked when things aren't so bad. I tell him and mum that we all have to be positive because then positive things happen but they are older and know more than me. So why do adults teach us about right and wrong , good and bad with happily ever afters when really life is a horror story; suffering, illness heartbreak and pain. Surely they should learn to teach us the truth.