We were going out with our neighbours for a Greek meal in Bedford, I have never had Greek food before in England so I was really, really looking forward to it but Mum didnt really say if she was or not.
Anyway, Dad had told Mum that he wasnt going to go to London on Saturday, maybe that is what the row was about I dont know. I did think he was panicking and looking for a reason not to go but I am only guessing as he was grumpy all week.
I waited until me and Mum were getting ready and asked her what was wrong, she wasnt really helpful but said that they had had words at the horses and that she would take it in turns going to yard with me and him. I admit I dont like going to the horses anymore as me and mum get accused of telling him what to do and he throws teddy. I dont think that we do, it is just we know how each other works. Dad hardly ever even speaks to me now and says even less when we are there so I dont bother speaking to him. Like I said I think he doesnt want me around anymore and wants his real daughter. I heard Mum tell him how unhappy I was and I also heard what he said to her back. There are no secrets in this house, the neighbour can flick a light switch on and we can hear it.
I dont know if it is Gulf War Syndrome, PTSD, old age or just he doesnt like me and Mum that much anymore but I do know this family is happy anymore. He tells Mum that she starts the arguments and that she is always right, sometimes I am not sure if he knows how horrible he is. He is really spiteful and says nasty nasty things, then he is quiet and kind again. I never really see him or Mum smile anymore. He laughs and chats to Joe, even when he is grumpy or not talking he laughs with him. The more I think about it the more I think he misses his daughter and perhaps he doesnt like me and Mum anymore because she isnt here and I am. He started kicking off about his stuff going missing on Friday, saying he couldnt go to London with out his shamarg thing. Rant rant rant about not having special things from his Army days and the fact his stuff goes missing. Mum flew at him and said that he forgets about all of our stuff and he only cares when it affects him. I think she was right because he doesnt care if mums things go walkies or mine but flip if a dirty tissue of his is out of place or missing he flips; only ever at me and Mum though never Joe. Guess he is lucky that is his son and the baby of the family.
I do think that Mum was out of order though because she rose to the fight and there is no point, it just means that the house is more miserable than usual.
Anyway, went out with Nikki and Tash and Mum to a Greek restuarant it was great, we danced and sang had loads to eat and drink and giggled at silly things, smashed a few plates and sang some more. Tash has great voice and was dragged on stage only thing was the guy singing only stood as tall as her boobs.
Dad was in bed when we got home and when I went to bed Mum said expect them to be gone in the morning
I woke up and Mum was still there but she came over to tell me that they were getting ready to go. Well done Dad I am proud of you, I wish you read my blogs now and then and maybe you would see that I do love you loads but then again maybe it not a bad thing that you dont.
Did some washing, sorted out the animals and cooked tea.Had message saying that they had arrived and all was OK. Soooooooooooo proud of Dad because I know how hard it is for him to leave the house, hear foreign voices, babies crying or cars back firing. The outside world is a scary place for him at times and if I am honest I worried he would get himself into trouble all weekend. Think Clara helped.
Mum phoned and said that he had a wobble when a group of Irish something or others marched to the Cenotaph, think Mum was other side of the road so he didnt see his safety blanket (Mum or Clara). Talked to strangers which is really brave for him but I know he didnt take his medals. He threw them away and Mum rescued them out of the bin but they were damaged. Even if they had been in perfect condition he wouldnt wear them. He would rather have his friends back that died in places like Ireland than pretty gongs on his chest.
My cousin had completed the midnight walk through London and passed my Mum without either of them knowing. I am really proud of her too. Her life has been really, really hard but she has a wonderful family, lost loads of weight, gone on training courses and is an inspiration. Well done you Christina Howe. Love you sooooo much and we are all proud of you.
Mum and Dad stayed in London for the night - well done them and well done to all the veterans and people who helped. One girl signed and stayed to help Mum said. Wow, that is brilliant. I bet the people who organised is are sooo proud of what they did, pat on the back to them as well. Hopefully people may start listening and understanding.
Mum and Dad came home shattered, I was feeling really ill, throat mega sore, glands feel like they going to hatch out of my neck, head aches, body hurts and my energy has gone. Mummy hug couldnt even make me feel better.
Then back to normal today. Hope my Daddy feels better in himself soon as we dont have a family anymore. I am not saying it is his fault. He is a lovely, kind wonderful man, but PTSD Gulf War Syndrome or what ever it is is destroying a very special brave man who was once a soldier. I know he hates himself and I know his illnesses have made his tummy go hard and blow up like a balloon filled with gas, this is a man who used to run for miles for fun and play rugby that can now hardly walk and cannot even get up the stairs on his own to use the loo or have a bath now, if that doesnt damage your head and screw things up nothing would. I know he hates it if anything is moved out of place especially lighters, which I always get moaned at for and yes I do move them but it isnt always me!!!!
Sorry blog I need to moan but I also wanted to say how proud I am of Daddy, Mum and everyone involved in London this weekend. Well done you all x x x