Home life is OK but far from wonderful. I know that there is so much stress in the house things do go boom on a regular basis. The only thing I find really hard to deal with is that fact that Dad and I hardly speak, I feel that he is constantly disappointed and that he resents me being around. He comes up with comments when we are working with the horses like he will just do as he is told. I guess that is because Mum and I have worked as a team for ever and know what the other one is thinking before they have thought it. Mum feels uncomfortable and says it feels like she has two children who want her attention, I have started spending more time upstairs out of the way.
I do love Dad but I am not sure I like him very much, I know that he is ill and I try really hard to understand and to do nice things for them both. I booked them a trip to York and yes Mum and Dad both said thanks but I felt like I was forcing Dad to go he didn't seem at all excited, yet he said he wanted to take Mum. He gets angry if people use anything of his, but it ok if other peoples things get used or broken.
I also know that Dad has been seriously ill in hospital with more DVT's and a PE and came home from Belgium from a Regimental trip only to end up in York Hospital with surgery on the cards. I really do try to understand and accept he is ill mentally and physically and I know I am not his real daughter, maybe that is the problem. Maybe he wishes she were here and I was living with my natural father. Who knows what is going on in his head I just know that we are not the team we were and that I am lucky if I get a grunt hello.
The stable yard has fairies and the other liveries know who they are but again nothing is done to sort things out. Adults, they seem to do anything to avoid problems. I am worried that a horse is going to get hurt the way things are going and now dread going there. I appreciate that both Mum and Dad feel the same way so I guess that this doesn't help with how our household feels.
Why can't the charity move and things can start again. I am willing to work my guts out and go to college but Dad doesn't seem to want my help. The thing is I know that Mum can't do it alone and neither can Dad. I am not afraid of hard work and I will do everything I want to do in my life.
Oh Dad, why can't you just talk to me, let me be you little girl again or do you want your real daughter back and me to vanish. I just wish I knew what was banging around in your head. Unless you let me in or talk to Mum about what ever it is things are going to get worse and worse and then everything will crumble. I know Mum hates shouting and fights and you say that you do too, but you are almost predictable. You seem to try picking a fight about every two weeks. Maybe it is your illness or maybe it is us, but without answers we cannot help.
I do love Dad but I am not sure I like him very much, I know that he is ill and I try really hard to understand and to do nice things for them both. I booked them a trip to York and yes Mum and Dad both said thanks but I felt like I was forcing Dad to go he didn't seem at all excited, yet he said he wanted to take Mum. He gets angry if people use anything of his, but it ok if other peoples things get used or broken.
I also know that Dad has been seriously ill in hospital with more DVT's and a PE and came home from Belgium from a Regimental trip only to end up in York Hospital with surgery on the cards. I really do try to understand and accept he is ill mentally and physically and I know I am not his real daughter, maybe that is the problem. Maybe he wishes she were here and I was living with my natural father. Who knows what is going on in his head I just know that we are not the team we were and that I am lucky if I get a grunt hello.
The stable yard has fairies and the other liveries know who they are but again nothing is done to sort things out. Adults, they seem to do anything to avoid problems. I am worried that a horse is going to get hurt the way things are going and now dread going there. I appreciate that both Mum and Dad feel the same way so I guess that this doesn't help with how our household feels.
Why can't the charity move and things can start again. I am willing to work my guts out and go to college but Dad doesn't seem to want my help. The thing is I know that Mum can't do it alone and neither can Dad. I am not afraid of hard work and I will do everything I want to do in my life.
Oh Dad, why can't you just talk to me, let me be you little girl again or do you want your real daughter back and me to vanish. I just wish I knew what was banging around in your head. Unless you let me in or talk to Mum about what ever it is things are going to get worse and worse and then everything will crumble. I know Mum hates shouting and fights and you say that you do too, but you are almost predictable. You seem to try picking a fight about every two weeks. Maybe it is your illness or maybe it is us, but without answers we cannot help.