Well I am snuggled up in bed but cannot sleep, there are so many things going through my head it is busier than Tesco on Christmas Eve.
My little dog has come upstairs and is trying to make me feel sorry for her. She cut her pad on the ice this morning and is playing on how poorly she is. Houston our farrier and Lou came for lunch today, they brought their little dog Mindy, Effie walked in to see Houston limping as though her leg was falling off, but oddly enough it was better enough to play chase around the garden for a couple of hours. Now she wants me to make a fuss the limp is back.
Today, was busy Mummy and I cleaned up then I made a buffet lunch, we were meant to be going to the farm and bought all the food for a picnic for ten people but Alison phoned to say the weather was terrible there so stay at home. Houston and Lou were coming to the farm with us so we said still come for lunch. I did burn a couple of sausage rolls but everything else including my chicken stuffed with orange and lemon and covered with garlic and prapikka tasted ok. Think everyone had enough to eat and we all talked and chilled out. Lou performed her party trick, but I won't say anymore on that one and Daddy and Houston talked motor bikes and lorries. We all talked about the farm and moving and things are moving in the right direction, well I hope so.
Had to laugh Daddy got a message on his phone so "A message from the darkside" blasted around the room, poor Houston and Lou just sat there with open mouths and totally forgot what they were saying. One of Daddy's ring tones is the Imperial Death March. We are an odd family. My ring tone for Daddy is a duck quacking, because Daddy loves ducks.
Watched OUR GIRL tonight with Lacy Turner from Eastenders, it was great. Funny because I quite like the idea of joining and training as a medic what a fantastic life, great programme and we will never know if she lived or died at the end.
Have my new phrases that me and Mum stole from “Our Girl” tonight, but I won’t write it and I told Daddy that I would remind him of another line when he was old and grey and tell my kids to be nice to Granddad. Don’t think Daddy has ever read my blog but if he did he would know what I meant.
Cant wait for Daddy to be at my passing out parade wearing his medals. I soooooooooooo want to make him proud of me, his little Pud, just like I am soooooooooooo proud of him.
Going back a day or two. Friday I had my presentation at school on my power point project, think it went ok, hope so as two GCSE's depend on it. Was told looking at a high grade but you never know till you get your marks I am still aiming on moving up a course at Moulton so it would help. Did not have time to write my radio interview so think that will be tomorrow's job at school. The subject is the prize and as usual I have to be different, not saying what I am planning yet as not totally sure.
Can't think what I did after school on Friday apart from went to the horses and helped mum with some shopping, her tummy was really bad and she was struggling to walk around Asda, not that she would admit it. Think she is back at the hospital this week so that is good.
Daddy is still struggling with his throat and his voice has got worse again, I doubt that he will go to the doctors though, it a man thing, can't possibly go there.
Yesterday, horses at silly o clock in the morning and we made sure they were all double rugged before the snow. Mum got collared by our lovely landlord and heard about his holiday so I cracked on. Work then talk, isn't that what you used to say to me mother!!!! He he he
Books all finally came back from the printers and even though they are meant to be in colour the new pics were in black and white, never mind we will sort it, at least they are here now.
Saturday afternoon didn't really do very much at all apart from chilled out. Oh tell a lie. Mum and I popped out to get a couple of bits and came home with an x-box for Joe. He was promised one as soon as he improved at school, so it finally arrived. Guess what, we haven't seen him since, well we have to collect food and vanish again but that is about it.
Really would like to chat to Daddy as I am frightened about some stuff; but he not got his listening head on at the minute. Worried about stuff happening this week and what will happen and really worried about other stuff going on. Don't know where to start or how to say what bothering me; I used to be able to say anything to him but he hasn't been in a good place for a few months now so I can't be honest as it may make things worse. Let's just hope this farm goes ok. I don't do praying but I do speak to my guardian angels most nights and ask them to watch over my Daddy and protect him. For the past few weeks I have been asking them to make sure we get this farm too, but I may be pushing my luck.
Mummy never smiles anymore either, I give her special cuddles and tell her not to be sad because everything will be ok, and she always says that she is fine. She isn't the Mummy she used to be, happy smiling and always able to sort anything out. She cries a lot too and I hate that. Sometimes she will be sorting out the washing, well that is what she says and I know that she is bubbling like a baby. She blames it on being poorly but I know the truth. When we move she won't have to do so much on her own and I promise I will help more. Thing is I can't stop her worrying about Daddy, and I know that is why she cries. I am worried too . Magic wands are just so hard to find on ebay.
I know that she tries to make everyone happy, but she is sooooo sad. Love you Mummy,
I guess it sounds like I am moaning all the time and I don't mean to. people can't see mental illness so just don't get it. I don't get it, Joe doesn't get it and I think we all pretend if we ignore it, it will go away but it doesn't.
Sometimes I want to believe that there is nothing wrong with Mum or Daddy because if I believe it, it will be true but then the dream ends and I wake up.
I want to be that kid who goes crabbing off the wall in Hunstanton with Joey laughing and giggling as Mum and Daddy hobble up the street laughing hand in hand, playing on the penny machines and having fun. I want to be in the pool in France eating the biggest ice creams with Joey looking after Oscar Pineappple and Hannah Banana, or riding on the beach with Daddy with Mum and Joe laughing at us.
This past few months have made me think that these are memories that I should treasure because bad things can and may happen very soon. I know I fight and tell my little brother to bring down his washing or feed the fish and moan, but he is my little brother and I don't want to see him hurt. We used to hide is his room when we were being bullied so I guess we share a bond that only a brother and sister can share. Someone wants to see Joe this week, a member of his family and I am sort of really pleased for him, but worried too; if they want to bully him again I won't be there to stick up for him. It is great that he can try to make friends, but I just hope they don't let him down. They thought it was funny to leave him in shops when he was little and run away. How long before they run away on him again,. My brother doesn't speak to me and I would like to see him again but would he let me down again too, probably. Would it cause trouble or could our family, because Daddy, Mum, Joe and me are a family and a good family be accepted by them. They have built bridges and got over them, but will they ever accept the fact that seven years ago the Finlay's and Howe's became a family. I changed my name to Finlay Howe because I love my family and wanted to belong. Would my brother accept that, doubt it. Will Joe's sister accept that, doubt that too.
I wish I knew what was going to happen and I knew that we would all be ok.
Beatie is due to have her puppies this week, Thursday or Friday, then Clara our adopted bulldog is due a week later. Hope that both Mummies are ok and all the puppies live. Mum gets upset and cries if a puppy dies. When we used to breed dogs she gave one pup mouth to mouth and it ended up being a show dog, so guess she did ok.
Well I am shattered and need sleep. School in a few hours.
I love my family, whatever happens I am a lucky kid.
Night everyone
Huggles
Nemo x x x
My little dog has come upstairs and is trying to make me feel sorry for her. She cut her pad on the ice this morning and is playing on how poorly she is. Houston our farrier and Lou came for lunch today, they brought their little dog Mindy, Effie walked in to see Houston limping as though her leg was falling off, but oddly enough it was better enough to play chase around the garden for a couple of hours. Now she wants me to make a fuss the limp is back.
Today, was busy Mummy and I cleaned up then I made a buffet lunch, we were meant to be going to the farm and bought all the food for a picnic for ten people but Alison phoned to say the weather was terrible there so stay at home. Houston and Lou were coming to the farm with us so we said still come for lunch. I did burn a couple of sausage rolls but everything else including my chicken stuffed with orange and lemon and covered with garlic and prapikka tasted ok. Think everyone had enough to eat and we all talked and chilled out. Lou performed her party trick, but I won't say anymore on that one and Daddy and Houston talked motor bikes and lorries. We all talked about the farm and moving and things are moving in the right direction, well I hope so.
Had to laugh Daddy got a message on his phone so "A message from the darkside" blasted around the room, poor Houston and Lou just sat there with open mouths and totally forgot what they were saying. One of Daddy's ring tones is the Imperial Death March. We are an odd family. My ring tone for Daddy is a duck quacking, because Daddy loves ducks.
Watched OUR GIRL tonight with Lacy Turner from Eastenders, it was great. Funny because I quite like the idea of joining and training as a medic what a fantastic life, great programme and we will never know if she lived or died at the end.
Have my new phrases that me and Mum stole from “Our Girl” tonight, but I won’t write it and I told Daddy that I would remind him of another line when he was old and grey and tell my kids to be nice to Granddad. Don’t think Daddy has ever read my blog but if he did he would know what I meant.
Cant wait for Daddy to be at my passing out parade wearing his medals. I soooooooooooo want to make him proud of me, his little Pud, just like I am soooooooooooo proud of him.
Going back a day or two. Friday I had my presentation at school on my power point project, think it went ok, hope so as two GCSE's depend on it. Was told looking at a high grade but you never know till you get your marks I am still aiming on moving up a course at Moulton so it would help. Did not have time to write my radio interview so think that will be tomorrow's job at school. The subject is the prize and as usual I have to be different, not saying what I am planning yet as not totally sure.
Can't think what I did after school on Friday apart from went to the horses and helped mum with some shopping, her tummy was really bad and she was struggling to walk around Asda, not that she would admit it. Think she is back at the hospital this week so that is good.
Daddy is still struggling with his throat and his voice has got worse again, I doubt that he will go to the doctors though, it a man thing, can't possibly go there.
Yesterday, horses at silly o clock in the morning and we made sure they were all double rugged before the snow. Mum got collared by our lovely landlord and heard about his holiday so I cracked on. Work then talk, isn't that what you used to say to me mother!!!! He he he
Books all finally came back from the printers and even though they are meant to be in colour the new pics were in black and white, never mind we will sort it, at least they are here now.
Saturday afternoon didn't really do very much at all apart from chilled out. Oh tell a lie. Mum and I popped out to get a couple of bits and came home with an x-box for Joe. He was promised one as soon as he improved at school, so it finally arrived. Guess what, we haven't seen him since, well we have to collect food and vanish again but that is about it.
Really would like to chat to Daddy as I am frightened about some stuff; but he not got his listening head on at the minute. Worried about stuff happening this week and what will happen and really worried about other stuff going on. Don't know where to start or how to say what bothering me; I used to be able to say anything to him but he hasn't been in a good place for a few months now so I can't be honest as it may make things worse. Let's just hope this farm goes ok. I don't do praying but I do speak to my guardian angels most nights and ask them to watch over my Daddy and protect him. For the past few weeks I have been asking them to make sure we get this farm too, but I may be pushing my luck.
Mummy never smiles anymore either, I give her special cuddles and tell her not to be sad because everything will be ok, and she always says that she is fine. She isn't the Mummy she used to be, happy smiling and always able to sort anything out. She cries a lot too and I hate that. Sometimes she will be sorting out the washing, well that is what she says and I know that she is bubbling like a baby. She blames it on being poorly but I know the truth. When we move she won't have to do so much on her own and I promise I will help more. Thing is I can't stop her worrying about Daddy, and I know that is why she cries. I am worried too . Magic wands are just so hard to find on ebay.
I know that she tries to make everyone happy, but she is sooooo sad. Love you Mummy,
I guess it sounds like I am moaning all the time and I don't mean to. people can't see mental illness so just don't get it. I don't get it, Joe doesn't get it and I think we all pretend if we ignore it, it will go away but it doesn't.
Sometimes I want to believe that there is nothing wrong with Mum or Daddy because if I believe it, it will be true but then the dream ends and I wake up.
I want to be that kid who goes crabbing off the wall in Hunstanton with Joey laughing and giggling as Mum and Daddy hobble up the street laughing hand in hand, playing on the penny machines and having fun. I want to be in the pool in France eating the biggest ice creams with Joey looking after Oscar Pineappple and Hannah Banana, or riding on the beach with Daddy with Mum and Joe laughing at us.
This past few months have made me think that these are memories that I should treasure because bad things can and may happen very soon. I know I fight and tell my little brother to bring down his washing or feed the fish and moan, but he is my little brother and I don't want to see him hurt. We used to hide is his room when we were being bullied so I guess we share a bond that only a brother and sister can share. Someone wants to see Joe this week, a member of his family and I am sort of really pleased for him, but worried too; if they want to bully him again I won't be there to stick up for him. It is great that he can try to make friends, but I just hope they don't let him down. They thought it was funny to leave him in shops when he was little and run away. How long before they run away on him again,. My brother doesn't speak to me and I would like to see him again but would he let me down again too, probably. Would it cause trouble or could our family, because Daddy, Mum, Joe and me are a family and a good family be accepted by them. They have built bridges and got over them, but will they ever accept the fact that seven years ago the Finlay's and Howe's became a family. I changed my name to Finlay Howe because I love my family and wanted to belong. Would my brother accept that, doubt it. Will Joe's sister accept that, doubt that too.
I wish I knew what was going to happen and I knew that we would all be ok.
Beatie is due to have her puppies this week, Thursday or Friday, then Clara our adopted bulldog is due a week later. Hope that both Mummies are ok and all the puppies live. Mum gets upset and cries if a puppy dies. When we used to breed dogs she gave one pup mouth to mouth and it ended up being a show dog, so guess she did ok.
Well I am shattered and need sleep. School in a few hours.
I love my family, whatever happens I am a lucky kid.
Night everyone
Huggles
Nemo x x x