The shouting has stopped, now the silent treatment begins
Is this PTSD, the deadly enemy that lies within
Or is it a man who wants to give up and die
Who hates those around him, because they just make him cry
He cannot see the misery they suffer too
Feeling so helpless not knowing what to do
Surrounded by people yet he feels so alone
A outcast, a burden no use at all, not even at home
His anger flares as his frustration kicks in
He bangs his head to the wall, well that isn’t a sin
Thoughts of his own death creep back into his head
I have no use on this earth, I am far better dead
They just do not listen, they don’t understand
This shell of a person was once a proud man
I am the victim, I did not ask for this
The nightmares and panic are things I would not miss
But you don’t understand me, or give me a chance
You seem to walk past me without even a glance
But there are two sides to a story and this one is my own
I too am surrounded by people but feel so alone
A child in your eyes, my opinions don’t matter
As my life crumbles around me, the ashes just scatter
I am to pick sides; no I shall stay out of sight
It scares me when you argue shout and you fight
It reminds me of days when a punch followed voices raised
I too have nightmares of my past, my former days
We do have a future as a family if you want to try
I hate knowing that your upset or to see my mum cry
She only tries to help you, as you are not too well
And bring some light into your life of hell
But you cannot see what she does is not bad
You accuse her of being grumpy but she too is sad
Walls have ears and voices travel around
Upstairs you can hear even the quietist of sounds
Your anger, your fears the hurtful things adults say
May slip off your tongue and be forgotten after a day
But to us children those words cut like a knife
Not knowing our future, are you still part of my life
PTSD you destroy the person, their families and friends
The misery you cause, I wish I cure and bring it to an end
N Finlay Howe 2014
Is this PTSD, the deadly enemy that lies within
Or is it a man who wants to give up and die
Who hates those around him, because they just make him cry
He cannot see the misery they suffer too
Feeling so helpless not knowing what to do
Surrounded by people yet he feels so alone
A outcast, a burden no use at all, not even at home
His anger flares as his frustration kicks in
He bangs his head to the wall, well that isn’t a sin
Thoughts of his own death creep back into his head
I have no use on this earth, I am far better dead
They just do not listen, they don’t understand
This shell of a person was once a proud man
I am the victim, I did not ask for this
The nightmares and panic are things I would not miss
But you don’t understand me, or give me a chance
You seem to walk past me without even a glance
But there are two sides to a story and this one is my own
I too am surrounded by people but feel so alone
A child in your eyes, my opinions don’t matter
As my life crumbles around me, the ashes just scatter
I am to pick sides; no I shall stay out of sight
It scares me when you argue shout and you fight
It reminds me of days when a punch followed voices raised
I too have nightmares of my past, my former days
We do have a future as a family if you want to try
I hate knowing that your upset or to see my mum cry
She only tries to help you, as you are not too well
And bring some light into your life of hell
But you cannot see what she does is not bad
You accuse her of being grumpy but she too is sad
Walls have ears and voices travel around
Upstairs you can hear even the quietist of sounds
Your anger, your fears the hurtful things adults say
May slip off your tongue and be forgotten after a day
But to us children those words cut like a knife
Not knowing our future, are you still part of my life
PTSD you destroy the person, their families and friends
The misery you cause, I wish I cure and bring it to an end
N Finlay Howe 2014